Sitting alone in the silent living room she blamed herself for going off to live with John. Had she used Peter’s jealousy to justify spending more time with her first real boyfriend?John was too hospitable, she thought, too loving and too addictive. She had gone back to Peter, yes, but too late: she selfishly had stayed too long with John. Those thoughts weighed heavily and depressed her.The second weekend in October Claire was making her bed on Saturday morning, when she heard Mary’s shout.“Mum! Where are you?”“Up here, hold on, I’m coming down.”Mary had begun making coffee when Claire arrived in the kitchen, and before long they were sitting in the living room with coffee and biscuits. Mary did not waste time with pleasantries, but then she rarely did.“Mum, you’re not looking well. You’ve lost weight, you look pale and let’s face it, miserable.”“Mary darling, it’s called bereavement. I’m allowed to be miserable, it’s in the rules.”“But you’re wasting away. You’re not eating. Shyaam aur mere purane yaron ki nazron me main gori chithi haseengudiya thi. Mere lambe-lambe baal, mere gore-gore gaal, mere madmust hoth,mere anar jaise kadak santre ki size ke mumme, bhari huyi jhanghe. Aisahi kahte the woh sub. Aur main apni prasansa sunkar phoola nahi samatithi.Tabhi thanedaar ki kadakti huyi awaz ne mujhe jaga diya, “Kahan haiuski bibi?” Mujh per nazar padte hi uski aankhein mere jism per giddh kiankhon jaise chipak gayi.Tabhi mujhe ek police wale ne pakad kar khada kar diya aur bola, “Yehihai uski bibi.”Thanedaar mere jism ko taulta huwa bola, “Kahan hai Shyaam?”Maine sahmte huye kaha, “Mujhe nahi maloom. Woh toh subah se bahar gayehuye hai.”“Bata de warna mujhe aur bhi tareeke aate hai.” Thanedaar ne garajtihuyi awaaz mein poochha.Main chup-chaap khadi rahi. Bahar bheed dekh kar thanedaar ne aur tohkuchh nahi bola lekin main mehshoosh kar rahi thi uski nazron ko apnejism mein dhanste huye. Thaanedaar apne aadmiyon ko kuchh batane laga aurmujhe ghoorte huye.
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